Monday April 6th

Today I am especially tired. I am not sure why today differs from the past days I have spent in quarantine, but I feel my mood especially negative; I do not remember the last time that I had nothing to look forward to, it’s a rather odd feeling. I wish I could see my friends, I haven’t seen anyone since the day I left Chapman; I’ve never felt this type of loneliness, it’s a sort of helpless feeling. I miss long conversations, hugging, going out to dinner, traveling, and I even miss school. Every day I wake up at 9:30am for my Zoom classes, and I can’t help but wish I was sitting in class. I miss the interactive aspect of it, the open discussions and the face to face contact; I feel unmotivated. Although I wish I was in class, I do appreciate my school work keeping me busy on a day to day basis.

Last night I heard my mother cry. Considering she is one of the Vice Presidents of her company, she has been ordered to furlough and fire some of her dear employees; my heart broke. Although my family and I are safe, hearing my exceedingly empathetic mother cry was a moment of clarity for me. I can’t imagine the devastating realities for families who are struggling, some who have even lost their jobs; I wish I could help somehow.